It’s been quite a while since I actually prepared a post here. I’m not sure why I fell away but it does fit a pattern. Maybe I was like this before but I do know that now it is much more pronounced. I often do get some good idea to write about and I promise myself to do it.
And then it’s like 3 days later and that idea is off somewhere hitchhiking its way through Nebraska. At least I am really busy these days, doing what I can’t really say. I’m involved in so many things, a patchwork of part time jobs, volunteer things and hobbies that have me all over the place. It’s like a couple lines from Having a Blast by Green Day. No, I rarely ever get so angry that I lose all compassion for humanity and want to leave a long trail of destruction. But I will say it’s fun to sing the song though, especially that chord change at the line “Well no one here…” Those lines I’m referring to are:
Do you ever build up all the small things in your head?
To make one problem that adds up to nothing
Only for me it’s all these supposedly good and inspiring things I’m doing that just seem to add up to nothing.
-I sing in a local choral group
-I play in an orchestra
-I feed and walk some dogs for friends
-I help train a couple triathletes on an informal basis
-I help out doing various things at our church
-I’m a volunteer news reader for EIS of NJ
-I’m learning to play guitar (well, trying to anyway)
-I still exercise and go to yoga classes
-I managed to finish the freakin’ 2015 Philadelphia Marathon
-I’m working on myself at a place called the Opportunity Project in Millburn
-I manage to do most maintenance & cleaning stuff around the house
-I even do some cooking now (and haven’t burnt down the house)
-I work part time for a book recovery company called bookBgone
-And probably other stuff I can’t think of right now
But it all still feels like nothing. I have yet to shake this feeling of being adrift with no land in sight. Almost every day I’m hit with the thought of where did the day go? Yes I know that I’m probably getting stuck in this situation where to I can’t do all these things if I want to get back to being productive. I’m not sure but I think it has to do with my need to be out of the house and doing things that get me around other people (or dogs).
I guess the answer to why I’m in this situation is probably somewhere in my mind I don’t want to go. But I am going to try to get back to posting on a consistent basis. You know, just in case people are in need of something to help them fall asleep.