I found myself thinking about some people I knew way up north of here and I think I know a little about why they’ve stuck around more than many people right near me. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m not present physically that lets them be more comfortable with me.
I’ve tried to rule out any confounding factors such as social intimacy (or lack thereof) before the accident and still wind up back at that unsettling conclusion. Of course, I lean towards blaming things on myself so that is probably clouding my judgment. I’ve compared the frequency of emails, texts, Facebook messages, phone calls and there is a striking difference between the folks near and far. Except for a very small number of people here, I hardly ever hear from others I used to have contact with (in person or on-line) on a much more frequent basis. Yet even in spite of the whole out of sight – out of mind thing, my friends from miles away haven’t fallen off my radar since the accident.
Since almost everyone has access to the usual social media, email and phones for texting & actually calling me I can’t blame it on poor connectivity unless something changed in my region the news media hasn’t been reporting on. Do people far away just magically have more time to do those things? I don’t think so. Plus, I know the people geographically near me have time to do all sorts of things on line on social media. It’s just that I’m not contacted nearly as often by those people anymore.
I have to do more thinking on this. What do you think is happening? Have you experienced a similar change in contact frequency? A different set of friends has been more present than I expected. The converse is also true. I’ve lost people – and I’m going to have to work to get back in touch with them if I still want them around. My mind immediately goes back to blaming it on my bad attitude (or people thinking I had a bad one or at least not a positive one) but heck, maybe I’ve just been acting kinda weird these past 6 months. Yeah, I realized it is the 6 month mark today. This whole recovery process in somewhat of a vacuum gives one way too much to think about. An unwelcome vacuum at that. It’s like sensory deprivation in a way, being untethered from the social world you developed for yourself before your injury.
I think people come and go in your life. I think we are continually growing and that sometimes we just grow out of a relationship. No fault, just fact. I may have adopted this reasoning do to my early years of moving every 3 years with the military, but regardless I still feel it true. I can tell you one thing……I never blame myself. That is just self destructive and unproductive. I am who I am, and if a relationship with someone has ended I try not to over think it. I will see if there was a determining factor that made it end (disagreement, move, etc…) and then ask myself……if this person is no longer in my life, will my life be less rich. If the answer is yes, then i will try to figure out how I could rekindle the relationship or at least come to terms with it ending, but if the answer is no, then I think that it has run its course and it is time to move on. Good luck on your journey Peter.
I understand your sentiments, Brenda. I agreed with that approach before my accident and took it when I could but now things are different. This wasn’t just one or two people. This was a wholesale clearance event. I didn’t understand. I definitely didn’t have the emotional stability, the ability to have any perspective or the insight into as to why. It just hurt and it was right when I was wrapped up in feeling like my life was irreversibly messed up. I couldn’t make the mental effort you described in your comment. I’ve made a big recovery but others are not nearly as lucky.